Monday, August 21, 2006 / 12:25 AM
this is freakin horrible....hate this stupid shit....i have becomin so fuckin emotional these past few wks....frm cryin rarely to cryin evry few mths which is considered quite often as well as cryin jz by reading books or watchin stupid sob stories on tv to cryin evry fuckin few wks n getting upset or angry at any minor tink tt happens....
i duno wat the fuck is happenin to me...jz 1 small prick n i'll burst....i feel like im goin mad....wat the fuck is wrong wit me....wat exactly is makin me unhappy n chging me so drastically..i dun wana give up on life and ppl at such a young age...i wana have hopes...i wana be happy....bt i jz seem to wallow in unhappiness...
perhaps ive gone thru a lot of shit, bt im nt the onli one experiencing shit...i can be so bloody emotional at times bt i can also be selfish at times...i dun understand hw ppl who haf gone thru shitty-ness in their lives cAn be such fucked up bastards...
i duno y nwadays i can get offended by the smallest shit...i mean if i dun bother to explain, hw can i expect ppl to understand...most ppl r nt psychics...i keep havin expectations....am i too much...
y do i seem to drown deeper and deeper in life...y dun i try to bounce back...y haf i become such a skeptical ass...sumtimes, i reali feel like hiding somewhr frm all the happenings surrounding me...sumtimes i wana be intoxicated all the time...
i dun really noe wat i wan...bt will i really accept help frm others...am i willing to bare my soul and nt hide anything...i myself do not noe...
Thursday, August 17, 2006 / 12:56 AM
YEA!GT A NEW HP!
Monday, August 14, 2006 / 12:15 AM
Reali feel like shit today...went to mos ydae n lost mi freakin hp,prolly at the dancefloor bt i fuckin realised it onli wen i reached hm...went to mac area n tried to contact the onli 2 nos tt ive memorised bt they were prolly asleep..
wen i went bck hm ltr,mi ass of a bro fucking threatened me n called me a fuckin bitch....scolded him cb n gt pushed against the wall....bt i felt reali gd cos its the 1st time i scolded a vulgarity to his bloody face..cos hes mi bloody elder bro n i didnt wan to be too rude...fine,ive argued bt tts fuckin diff..aniwae i cant stand those fucked up guys who uses their power against women...i mean wtf...u do noe tt u will win hands off...i bet i wld haf been hit a couple of times instead of jz tt 1 slap cos mi mum intervened..
bt aft tt she started to begin her tirade of interrogating me,naggin as well as checkin mi fuckin bag n blamed me for wat i said to tt asshole even tho he said stuff which r a lot worse..n at 10am,she disturbed mi sleep by naggin again....
decided to go to the bloody police post bt it fuckin opened at 12pm....tts so totally crappy....n ltr wen i went to the police post again,tt officer was so bloody crappy....he fuckin asked me y am i reportin the loss of mi phone...i mean duh...of cos i hope they can find mi phone...wasnt so optimistic wit mi n70 bt i activated the security pin for mi phone n mi phone's batt was low wen i lost it...so unless the person is sum stupid hacker,he/she wun be able to even switch on mi phone...
n i kip injuring miself...ydae fad accidentally burned me wit her ciggies bt im used to getting burned at clubs aniwae...den ltr i realised tt mi toe was bleedin...was prolly cut by a glass..tot noting of it n merely dabbed a couple of times wit mi tissue...ltr, wen mi fren forced me to go clean it up,realised it was a lot more worse than i tot...there were actuali 2 cuts....duno which asshole broke a glass...
im tinking sumtink else too bt i wld rather nt say it in case i offend tt grp of ppl...i noe im rambling on and on bt i cant help it...damn,im such a fucked up bitch...
Thursday, August 10, 2006 / 12:18 AM
was looking at some of mi entries....jz realised tt the onli time tt i actuali blog in recently time are during those occasions wen im unhappy or upset...aniwae im feelin pretty gd today...had a couple of outbursts ydae n jz let evrytink out...i tink sleepin a lot helped too....slept for 5hrs after i gt hm frm work, slept for another 8hrs til 3pm today,slept again frm 5-7 earlier on....felt reali gd as soon as i woke up...bt mi appetite is reali getting worse...initially i merely didnt haf the mood to eat,bt ltr i started to lose the appetite to eat as well...i lost so much wgt sia...frm 54 to 50 or 49 nw i tink....i dun wana be left wit all skin n bones....ewww....i wana gain wgt bck bt at the same time lose mi tummy....n i haf the urge to club....n i haf the cravings for pizza even tho i jz ate on sat....actuali i feel like eating new york pizza....hmmm.....n mi dad jz called....after a couple of mths of nt contacting us...sumtimes i feel guilty for nt caring abt him....bt hw to....he has neva sacrificed for us the way mi mum did....n yet i turn out to be tis kinda daughter..i noe im useless at least...n i duno hw to get up after i fall...y haf i become such a weak character...if onli i had sum of the old spirit in me....
